Friday, 23 December 2016
Being a united fan is like being in this huge family that you didn't know you had! The Reds travel up and down the uk following the Reds and trek across Europe! We do it for our United love of the red shirt, of the crest of Manchester United football club.
Many see me at away games and the odd home game, smiling, in my infamous pink hat! What they don't see is what it does take it get there, because I suffer with rheumatoid arthritis which means I'm in a wheelchair and server anxiety and mild depression.
Day before match day my anxiety kicks in and I can not sleep, trust me I think of everything from missing my train to match called off!
The morning I have to get up 2 hours before I even think of getting ready to get my joints moving enough, then I need to get dressed! Ok now I'll base it on a home game. I then sit worrying about my lift not turning up, I have to take painkillers just todo the 2 hour drive to Manchester without crying in pain! When we eventually get to old Trafford, I've at least once asked to turn around because of my anxiety! There's been tears and so my pain is bad and I'm rocking.
Out the car I can see old Trafford but I crnt go in, after being lifted into my chair I'm thinking I'd rather sit in the car! Now off to the stadium and we walk through crowds my anxiety is huge ... we walk around the stadium so I can compose myself!
We go in, I see certain friendly faces they know I'm upset but put a happy face on we chat. Anxiety lowers but I'm rocking in my seat due to my pain.
Match starts for 90 minutes I'm that smiley pink hat fan people know ...
Then the anxiety starts all over again, the pain worse for sitting in the cold weather.
It takes me two days to recover ....
Why do I do it? Because I'm a RED!
Sunday, 11 December 2016
I havnt blogged for a while but I want you guys to meet my friend lee from the USA! We started following each other because we both support mufc, one day a year ago I tweeted something about my health and lee dropped me a private message. Since that day we have spoken every day about everything from Christmas, thanksgiving, United, Clemson, Seahawks and Atlanta! Plus personal stuff too. It's been lovely to have a friend to talk to about anythimg.
We have laughed and cried together through social media .. it's been a rocky 2016
Thanks for being there at 4am when I'm in so much pain .. or when I'm ready to moan about well football! Lol
This year would have been tough without you ❤️
Thanks for everything, here's to 2017
Thursday, 17 November 2016
It's been a while since I gave an update on things. I thought being 31 would be a good year it's not, my rheumatoid has got so much worse.
You see I don't have physio or hydro any ore, I'd love a hydro/hot tub at home it's so relaxing on my joints I feel so chilled out without pain because of the heat.
Now things have changed I crnt get on and off the toilet any more I have to be lifted. They are looking at getting me a hoist, which upsets me, but I've such a small frame an adult one doesn't fit and a child one doesn't fit because I'm to big! So now I have to wait to get one made for me.
I havnt eaten solid food since February, but I was having trouble before then. So now all my food is pureed and my weight is dangerously low, I have to rely on someone to do all my food.
I crnt even get on or off my bed now I'm lifted again and then I have blankets put over me as I crnt even do that now.
I've had emotional issues to, my anxiety is the worse it's been, my depression is bad too, my confidence is shot, I don't see a way forward.
Oh and getting in and out my car is a lifting job, my brother is the only one that can do it. I've got to look at a wheelchair car/van now. I feel so sad about this.
Sorry for moaning I know others are worse off
Sunday, 2 October 2016
Not many of you will know this but i suffer from bad anxiety in particular around food & stressful situations. Now I am sure you all know how much I love football, well the two worlds collided this week and it was awful.
For days, I had really bad headache and bad phelgm because I couldn't do much else but worry about Thursday night, I'd never felt like that before. Now my close friends, dad and doctor and therapist all told me to face the anxiety and enjoy my past time, but I wasn't excited. I nearly cancelled my lift!
So I get ready with help from my brother, I'm already in tears before my mates arrive. Once I'm in the car I'm uncharacteristically quite bar saying DDG wasn't playing. The closer I got to Manchester I started feeling sick and my stomach was hurting I was nearly doubled up in pain. After getting out the car I had a little cry, people I'm close to told me to get a grip!
When we got to old Trafford, I couldn't go in so my friend walked round the outside of old Trafford, my stomach hurt so bad, I was crying on and off. Andy said we going in? I didn't want to but I didn't want to sit in the car either!! As the radio goes off after an hour to save car battery and it was on a dark Manchester street!!
I managed to get into stadium looked for my friend Andy M but couldn't see him so went to my seat. Still feeling sick, belly ache and thinking all kind of things. Then Andy M came bombing down and told me to get a grip in only a way proper friends can, he also made me feel better even cracked a half smile!
As we left old Trafford my stomach ache went and I didn't feel sick any more, I talked to Andy and Pete all the way home! Then feel asleep.
Will I go back to old Trafford? I don't know well I probably will I've got a Derby Togo to haha!! It's just not the same any more.
I miss you none anxious Vicky