So after a long break tomorrow brings the day I go back to seeing a specialist for my arthritis. To be honest with you, I'm scared, worried, anxious and generally I don't want Togo! But I will go with profs words in my ears, go be strong and remember you are in control and that's what I will hold on to.
Not along blog sorry just my feelings ahead of tomorrow, I will do a follow up though tomorrow
So last night we have a delivery for some cat food and 2 dog treats, yum yum!!
I got them from barking heads, firstly is like to say they have an amazing customer service!
Now I havnt got pics of the cats yet.. But here goes
Ben really likes the strawberry and cream but he's not good at having his photo done! Upon opening the bag you could smell them and hey we're good! But I went to dads and Mel nearly ate the whole bag she's a greedy girl
Yes look at me having my pic taken! Yum yum when am I getting one again?
I also got some Milkies for my bros puppy and Lenny this they are amazing, give me biscuit or I'll chew your wheelchair!!
I've never really talked about this before but here goes.
Not many of you will know this but I've suffered with depression officially since I was 16 years old, I'm 31 now, although suspected I've suffered longer. I managed to hide my depression pretty well by always being busy, I studied a lot! When I got RA I couldn't be as busy and the depression worsened.
I've also been diagnosed with adjustment disorder (mainly heard of in the USA) it basically means that a person doesn't cope well with big changes, loosing my mum, getting RA, wheelchair and now loosing my nan ... It's been tough!
Now I won't bore you with explaining my anxiety and eating individually but here's my story.
Unfortunately since November 2015 I have been battling and at one point loosing an eating disorder. Now I'm not anerexic or balimic my eating problem doesn't have an official name but it's "anxiety driven eating disorder" this means basically anxiety stops me eating.
Now I need to make it clear, I want to eat and this problem is incredibly upsetting and frustrating to me my brain is a hindrance. When I see solid food I have an anxiety attack and I can not eat, I think I'm going to choke it's awful, mans a time I've just cried. I want to eat liver, chicken, potato scallop, Sunday lunch but my brain just stops me, I hate it.
If it's food I don't know then I panic I'm going to have a reaction even though it's unlikely stupid eh?
I'm sat crying this
So I've become very thin and not the best but I'm trying every day a little bit harder, I can BEAT this one day.
I have four fortisip a day 2x fibre drinks and 2x protein drinks .. These are effectively keeping me going.
I also have soup and broccoli cheese ... That's so good! I love yoghurts and double cream! I've started having mash potato again we use a potato ricer and use butter and cream high calorie and very good!
I've got a purée machine which I use to purée my veg and also things like liver casserole which I can purée and cornbeef hash which is good.
So yes I'm going through a bad time but I'm not letting it defeat me and one day soon I'll write a blog saying I BEAT IT! Oh and eat an amazing cream cake .. I dream of cream cakes lol
I was sat here thinking of you today, I was wondering what you'd say? Who you'd be proud of? Then I wished I could call you, I even talked about you today, telling Peter about when dad brough Ben the black Labrador home! Then I remembered I couldn't call you, you'd be gone nearly eigh whole years, you left us, to be eternally young and with your daddy. Then I though to myself nan would love to hear about me falling asleep at Wigan, but I couldn't ring her either, it's nearly been six whole months mum? Give her a hug from me.
How have I been left so alone at 31? I mean I have cried so many tears in recent months, just wanted you love, support and advice on all things being thrown at me, a hug from you would make it all better, but I don't have that, I just want to talk to you, I want you to make it all better, because you always made things better mum. I said what would grandad say today I laughed and said he'd say what's happened to you all, I miss our family mum. I miss seeing nan and grandad and aunt pol and uncle Charlie on a Saturday, I feel so alone mum, where has my family gone.
I know your looking out for me though mum coz my football always works out in the end, even if I leave everything to last minute, or are you keeping me on my toes mum?! Lol
Oh mum I miss you so much wish we could hug again, can you believe you've been gone for a whole 8 years next month .. Jesus has my life been crazy since then lol
My tears will never stop, my love will continue, but mum it won't bring you back, your gone, I crnt hear you any more, I crnt hug you .. But I'll always love my mum no matter what ... Keep hugging nan & grandad ... I miss my inner circle so much
So this season I'm going to add a score to each stadium .. I'm sure you'll all find interesting!
I am scoring each point out of 5
Pre contact - 4
The email was returned quickly although little information about the actually parking situation at the DW even though explaining I was an away fan.
Parking - 1
Although there was plenty of places, there wasn't any designated disabled parking so hard to get in/out of car if your parked next to and cost £5
Stewards - 3
Stewards, helped us get Kevin's ticket reprinted and all smiled but there just wasn't enough about, I know it was only a pre season but I think the majority of stewards were mufc and not Wigan, cold do better!
Cleanliness - 4
Overall it wasn't too bad!
Signage - 0
This was because we had no direction on how to get into the DW as disabled fans we just wondered round! Then upstairs we had no idea were e2 was again no signs and so I scored this low, we could have easily missed kick off.
Toilets - N/A
I didn't use toilet so I crnt fairly give this a score. It was noted it was ramped access though.
View - 1
This was poor, if I hadn't bossed a few able fans about I wouldn't have seen a thing! Needs improving
PA seat - 0
We was told the seats were to the left of the platform, how can you leave a child or vulnerable adult to look after them self, poor again, there's room for a seat on the platform for PA
General accessibility - 2
Could do better, the lift was present but tiny!
Ticket price - 2
An adult costs £15 .. Which for a friendly felt it was expensive! Esp with everything else considered
It was an early start for me 7:20am! I was up to have my meds and get ready, my brother came down at 8am to get me sorted out, bah was packed including my medical drinks and then before I knew it Shaun was here.
The journey up was full of chatter as I hadn't seen Shaun for a while. I had to stop at Stafford as I was feeling sick and needed a drink! We got up to Wigan around 12:15 so I had my second liquid food of the day. Now my first moan of the new season was the parking £5 for the parking that wasn't even disabled .. I was not happy!
Then Jon, Alex, Nigel, Daniel, Kev and Martin all turned up! Hurray! It was lovely to see everyone! We all got in our wheelchairs and we're off and looking for tickets as Nigel had Togo and pick one up from ticket office, then Kevin suddenly said where's my bum bag? Well it transpired it was back in Manchester with his tickets! We laughed a little but then got into action, well Martin did say, least it's not the cup final! We found a steward who told us Togo round to ticket place, they rang mufc and then printed Kev more tickets! I was then left in charge of the tickets until we found our way round to the east stand. We realised at this point that we wasn't all siting togethe, boo! We was sent up in a lift, then as the door opened we was greeted with a familiar wall of noise!
Now Kev went and found his space, me, Shaun, Jon and Alex were like where do we go E2 win no clear signage and a lack of stewards around which was disappointing to say the least. Eventually we found someone to ask, who suggested we wait til KO to go, what no way! So I felt reluctantly they guided us through united fans to e2!
We made it to the platform eventually, to be greeted with no PA seats and not the best seats, I growled and scowled a few times!
At half time I saw my friend
Then I feel asleep I'm told we scored 2 goals in this time and that's great, seeing lik shaw back was superb! After the match we went back to the car
We said our goodbyes and see you August 3rd and then the long trip home. I slept, felt pain and and had a bit of a melt down with tiredness and needing the toilet and pain, never a good combination!
Wigan done .. Not a great place .. On to old Trafford, see you all soon!!
Can you believe it, after a great ending to last season with winning the FA cup, we all went away from Wembley on our summer holidays, or just to recharge the batteries after a long season! Now we are all fresh faced and raring Togo again .. Or are we lol!
The summer break has brough a goodbye to our Louis the lion heart! And a warm welcome to our Portuguese boss Jose mourinho! We have a couple of new signings and waved goodbye to Ryan Giggs, we will miss you! Then Luke shaw has been seen training, how we missed you Luke!
So what next, well rumour, well the press conference tells us Mr M wants 4 signings that he sees are key, well we have 3 so who next .. Well who bloody knows not me that's for sure!
Saturday sees a pre season game to Wigan, a U.K. Based friendly, hurray! Of course I signed right up for that one well, I put my hat in the ballot, that's another things that's changed! Sure enough £15 lighter and pre season has me in attendance! So here's to seeing Mr Ms first game! Now as ever I'm looking forward to seeing my pals, big up to Shaun, who's coming with me, we have seen the start of Mr Moyes, Mr Van Gaal together so let's see what Mr M shows us! Of course looking forward to seeing my other pals esp on the platform, Jon & Alex, Kev & martin but we will all miss Andy and of course my lovely able mates, let's hear you Saturday!
Then well I'm heading to old Trafford in August, to see Wayne Rooney play in his testimonial against Everton, Mr Ms first game at old Trafford! Then we are all heading down the road to that London to see the Reds take on leciester in the community shield, and there's been a request going round for everyone to clap on the 23rd minute in memory of a leciester fan, get involved reds!
Then the premier league kicks off yes!!! Bournemouth away on a Sunday! Hopefully be a top day on the south coast, I'll be there having completed 910 miles by mid August!
So ladies and gents here's to a good season, lots of laughter and fun along the way!
Me and the wheelchair, well we are ready for this adventure, let's get this party started!! See you all soon xx