Thursday, 17 November 2016
It's been a while since I gave an update on things. I thought being 31 would be a good year it's not, my rheumatoid has got so much worse.
You see I don't have physio or hydro any ore, I'd love a hydro/hot tub at home it's so relaxing on my joints I feel so chilled out without pain because of the heat.
Now things have changed I crnt get on and off the toilet any more I have to be lifted. They are looking at getting me a hoist, which upsets me, but I've such a small frame an adult one doesn't fit and a child one doesn't fit because I'm to big! So now I have to wait to get one made for me.
I havnt eaten solid food since February, but I was having trouble before then. So now all my food is pureed and my weight is dangerously low, I have to rely on someone to do all my food.
I crnt even get on or off my bed now I'm lifted again and then I have blankets put over me as I crnt even do that now.
I've had emotional issues to, my anxiety is the worse it's been, my depression is bad too, my confidence is shot, I don't see a way forward.
Oh and getting in and out my car is a lifting job, my brother is the only one that can do it. I've got to look at a wheelchair car/van now. I feel so sad about this.
Sorry for moaning I know others are worse off
Sunday, 2 October 2016
Not many of you will know this but i suffer from bad anxiety in particular around food & stressful situations. Now I am sure you all know how much I love football, well the two worlds collided this week and it was awful.
For days, I had really bad headache and bad phelgm because I couldn't do much else but worry about Thursday night, I'd never felt like that before. Now my close friends, dad and doctor and therapist all told me to face the anxiety and enjoy my past time, but I wasn't excited. I nearly cancelled my lift!
So I get ready with help from my brother, I'm already in tears before my mates arrive. Once I'm in the car I'm uncharacteristically quite bar saying DDG wasn't playing. The closer I got to Manchester I started feeling sick and my stomach was hurting I was nearly doubled up in pain. After getting out the car I had a little cry, people I'm close to told me to get a grip!
When we got to old Trafford, I couldn't go in so my friend walked round the outside of old Trafford, my stomach hurt so bad, I was crying on and off. Andy said we going in? I didn't want to but I didn't want to sit in the car either!! As the radio goes off after an hour to save car battery and it was on a dark Manchester street!!
I managed to get into stadium looked for my friend Andy M but couldn't see him so went to my seat. Still feeling sick, belly ache and thinking all kind of things. Then Andy M came bombing down and told me to get a grip in only a way proper friends can, he also made me feel better even cracked a half smile!
As we left old Trafford my stomach ache went and I didn't feel sick any more, I talked to Andy and Pete all the way home! Then feel asleep.
Will I go back to old Trafford? I don't know well I probably will I've got a Derby Togo to haha!! It's just not the same any more.
I miss you none anxious Vicky