Friday, 23 December 2016

Being a red!

Being a red!!

Being a united fan is like being in this huge family that you didn't know you had! The Reds travel up and down the uk following the Reds and trek across Europe! We do it for our United love of the red shirt, of the crest of Manchester United football club.

Many see me at away games and the odd home game, smiling, in my infamous pink hat! What they don't see is what it does take it get there, because I suffer with rheumatoid arthritis which means I'm in a wheelchair and server anxiety and mild depression.

Day before match day my anxiety kicks in and I can not sleep, trust me I think of everything from missing my train to match called off!

The morning I have to get up 2 hours before I even think of getting ready to get my joints moving enough, then I need to get dressed! Ok now I'll base it on a home game. I then sit worrying about my lift not turning up, I have to take painkillers just todo the 2 hour drive to Manchester without crying in pain! When we eventually get to old Trafford, I've at least once asked to turn around because of my anxiety! There's been tears and so my pain is bad and I'm rocking.

Out the car I can see old Trafford but I crnt go in, after being lifted into my chair I'm thinking I'd rather sit in the car! Now off to the stadium and we walk through crowds my anxiety is huge ... we walk around the stadium so I can compose myself!

We go in, I see certain friendly faces they know I'm upset but put a happy face on we chat. Anxiety lowers but I'm rocking in my seat due to my pain.

Match starts for 90 minutes I'm that smiley pink hat fan people know ...

Then the anxiety starts all over again, the pain worse for sitting in the cold weather.

It takes me two days to recover ....

Why do I do it? Because I'm a RED!

Sunday, 11 December 2016

My friend Lee

hi everyone,

I havnt blogged for a while but I want you guys to meet my friend lee from the USA!  We started following each other because we both support mufc, one day a year ago I tweeted something about my health and lee dropped me a private message. Since that day we have spoken every day about everything from Christmas, thanksgiving, United, Clemson, Seahawks and Atlanta! Plus personal stuff too. It's been lovely to have a friend to talk to about anythimg.

We have laughed and cried together through social media .. it's been a rocky 2016

Thanks for being there at 4am when I'm in so much pain .. or when I'm ready to moan about well football! Lol

This year would have been tough without you ❤️

Thanks for everything, here's to 2017

Thursday, 17 November 2016

Update

hello,

It's been a while since I gave an update on things. I thought being 31 would be a good year it's not, my rheumatoid has got so much worse.

You see I don't have physio or hydro any ore, I'd love a hydro/hot tub at home it's so relaxing on my joints I feel so chilled out without pain because of the heat.

Anyway ..

Now things have changed I crnt get on and off the toilet any more I have to be lifted. They are looking at getting me a hoist, which upsets me, but I've such a small frame an adult one doesn't fit and a child one doesn't fit because I'm to big! So now I have to wait to get one made for me.

I havnt eaten solid food since February, but I was having trouble before then. So now all my food is pureed and my weight is dangerously low, I have to rely on someone to do all my food.

I crnt even get on or off my bed now I'm lifted again and then I have blankets put over me as I crnt even do that now.

I've had emotional issues to, my anxiety is the worse it's been, my depression is bad too, my confidence is shot, I don't see a way forward.

Oh and getting in and out my car is a lifting job, my brother is the only one that can do it. I've got to look at a wheelchair car/van now. I feel so sad about this.

Sorry for moaning I know others are worse off

Xx

Sunday, 2 October 2016

Anxiety

Not many of you will know this but i suffer from bad anxiety in particular around food & stressful situations. Now I am sure you all know how much I love football, well the two worlds collided this week and it was awful.


For days, I had really bad headache and bad phelgm because I couldn't do much else but worry about Thursday night, I'd never felt like that before. Now my close friends, dad and doctor and therapist all told me to face the anxiety and enjoy my past time, but I wasn't excited. I nearly cancelled my lift! 


So I get ready with help from my brother, I'm already in tears before my mates arrive. Once I'm in the car I'm uncharacteristically quite bar saying DDG wasn't playing. The closer I got to Manchester I started feeling sick and my stomach was hurting I was nearly doubled up in pain. After getting out the car I had a little cry, people I'm close to told me to get a grip! 


When we got to old Trafford, I couldn't go in so my friend walked round the outside of old Trafford, my stomach hurt so bad, I was crying on and off. Andy said we going in? I didn't want to but I didn't want to sit in the car either!! As the radio goes off after an hour to save car battery and it was on a dark Manchester street!! 


I managed to get into stadium looked for my friend Andy M but couldn't see him so went to my seat. Still feeling sick, belly ache and thinking all kind of things. Then Andy M came bombing down and told me to get a grip in only a way proper friends can, he also made me feel better even cracked a half smile! 


As we left old Trafford my stomach ache went and I didn't feel sick any more, I talked to Andy and Pete all the way home! Then feel asleep.


Will I go back to old Trafford? I don't know well I probably will I've got a Derby Togo to haha!!  It's just not the same any more.


I miss you none anxious Vicky 

Sunday, 28 August 2016

To people of the Internet

I'm just a girl, I started this blog when I was hmm 26 I think, wow is it that long, I should check! I started talking about the early years and loosing my mum, since then we've been through a lot I'm 31 and a half now! I havnt shared all my ups and down, when I've been depressed I crnt face blogging, I crnt face much. Although my depression is medium st the min my anxiety is high, didn't have anxiety when I started this blog!

Now I'm sure you remember the wheelchair introduction and the home electric chair, remember when I went full Pelt into the wall, did that hurt! 

I bet you remember the pots of me thanking friends too, the girls, the lads, some of them are not even around now. The football adventures and I still have yet to tell you all about Berlin & Wolfsburg boy was it cold, but I loved the hotel "abba hotel" it was huge and so so nice, so if you find yourself in Berlin then check it out people!!

But you see the point of today and it's aimed at NO ONE in particular a loneliness. I mean don't get me wrong I love footie and football aquinences as even they are dropping off now! But there's more to me than that, yet I feel stuck trapped in my own body. I crnt go anywhere alone yet it feels like no one wants to come with me either, does that even make sense? It's so upsetting I miss exploring and doing random exbos ... I miss just doing stuff .. I miss peopLe wanting todo stuff with me. 

I feel like I need to make a new circle of friends but I don't know how? I hate rheumToid and I hate being in a wheelchair I want my life back

Xx

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Rheumatologist

So after a long break tomorrow brings the day I go back to seeing a specialist for my arthritis. To be honest with you, I'm scared, worried, anxious and generally I don't want Togo! But I will go with profs words in my ears, go be strong and remember you are in control and that's what I will hold on to.

Not along blog sorry just my feelings ahead of tomorrow, I will do a follow up though tomorrow 

Xx

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Dog treats!

Good afternoon,

So last night we have a delivery for some cat food and 2 dog treats, yum yum!!

I got them from barking heads, firstly is like to say they have an amazing customer service!

Now I havnt got pics of the cats yet.. But here goes

Ben really likes the strawberry and cream but he's not good at having his photo done! Upon opening the bag you could smell them and hey we're good!  But I went to dads and Mel nearly ate the whole bag she's a greedy girl 


Yes look at me having my pic taken! Yum yum when am I getting one again? 

I also got some Milkies for my bros puppy and Lenny this they are amazing, give me biscuit or I'll chew your wheelchair!!