Five years on

This is the hardest blog post ive written, five years on from my journey starting with rheumatoid. As i write this its exactly five years on from the day my mum died. Now if you have ever lost a mum you will understand the pain and grief of loosing that special person in your life that you love unconditionally. I will always think about love and miss my mum unconditionally. The thing is that morning i was crying into my uncles arms telling him i couldnt believe she had gone i never really expected my life to change so much. I mean i knew life would never be the same but i never expected what happened next. Rheumatoid happened next i started getting pain in my joints, i got told it was grief. After a lot of talking to doctors i got a blood test and got told i got rheumatoid arthritis i didnt really understand what it was. 5 years on i certainly do. As i write this im 28 years and 6 months and i have rheumatoid arthritis, fibramalgia, depression, insomnia (hense why all my posts are late at night and an eating doscorder that im battling .. who said the last 5 years havent been eventual. So along with fighting the pain of loosing my mum dealing with the grief ive had many other battles to fight, my heart is a life long fight, but then rheumatoid went from a few pains to not being able to get dressed to not being able to jump out of bed to not being able to walk on bad days to being dependant on a wheelchair. relationships and friendships we have had many highs and lows ive lost a lot of friends and i dear say i will loose more when they read this eye opening post. fibramalgia i wasnt expecting it but its tough, not only do my joints hurt my muscles too the excritating pain of these chronic illnesses should never be taken lightly. depression, well who wouldnt be after the five years ive had. Ive had some dark days where ive sat and cried and asked WHY ME??? insomnia .. well this has been something ive suffered long before my mum died but 5 years on i havnt had a proper night sleep, every time i sleep i just feel guilt why was i asleep when dad came home why wasnt i there for my mum. eating disorder this will shock many as ive never spoken about it, i lost a lot of weight when my mum died to be exact 2 and a half stone .. im just 5 stone 8 now (at my last weigh in 3 weeks ago) its been a tough and long battle but i am trying to beat it but its just not as easy as well just eat. Dont get me wrong the last 5 years ive had lots of fun too in a way my mums death made me stop and start enjoying life to the fullest. Ive made some fantastic friends in the past 5 years who id be lost without. so tonight as you sit reading this remember lifes a battle but u have to keep fighting in loving memoey of my mum sue we all miss you and proud of your fight xx

Health

So i guess ive not updated for a while on my general health so i though id do it now. Ok so i started back on MTX i wont lie its tough on me. im shattered for a few days and have a headache for a about 5 days, infact its like ive been on the drink for a week, not the best when i havnt had the fun as well! I take it once a week and then folic acid 6 dayds a week so its become part of my routine. My fatigue is quite bad recently ive been sleeping more. I have gained weight though which is a definate plus its been a long journey but im getting there. My asthma has been playing up too which isnt helping. Im due to start physio finally later in the month and will update you with that once ive started it! Im having a few issues with hearing things since my recent sinusitis infection so im off back to my doctors this week to get a referal back to audiology as i use to them as a child when i had gromits! Back at heart hospital in September for a check up have to have an echo abd ecg this time as had server regorgitation so im guessing it wont be long before the big open is upon me, i know one day ill need to have open heart surgery but im thankful that my original surgon did such an amazing job that at present its not needed and im 29 in 6 months! I was at the doctors last week with a few issues ive been having ive got to have some blood tests firstly for my mtx as well as some hormone tests they dont really know whats going on with me, it could just be my hormones playing up but they also have to test for cancer and its pretty scary but i am hoping that its nothing and i will be ok but thats just life and what ever the outcome of the tests are ill get through them with my own determination my family and friends by my side xx

Disneyland Paris

Well as you may have guessed i popped over to disneyland this past weekend. With my cousin her husband and there children we had the most amazing time! We left early friday morning i was shattered and didnt hear my alarm lucky enough my cousin came and woke me up! Off we went to the airport! We got on the plane after a short wait and off we went the adults not knowing how the kids would find flying, they loved it!! Disneyland its self was amazing so much to see and do. The disabled facilitites in the park were excellent the toilets were good and the fact you could have a disabled card which meant you didnt have to wait in 1 hour ques for rides really did help with our trip. every one had a fantastic time, long days and short nights! I would love to go back again as it was fantastic only thing i would say is there curbs were HUGE!!! Overall a fantastic weekend with my family, meeting mickey mouse and minnie mouse was a particular favourite of mine! Although seeing the girls with the princesses was great too they enjoy it so much. Im back home now and still feeling fatigued lol but the more i sleep the worse my joints feel!! I wouldnt change the weekend for anything v xx