I've never really talked about this before but here goes.
Not many of you will know this but I've suffered with depression officially since I was 16 years old, I'm 31 now, although suspected I've suffered longer. I managed to hide my depression pretty well by always being busy, I studied a lot! When I got RA I couldn't be as busy and the depression worsened.
I've also been diagnosed with adjustment disorder (mainly heard of in the USA) it basically means that a person doesn't cope well with big changes, loosing my mum, getting RA, wheelchair and now loosing my nan ... It's been tough!
Now I won't bore you with explaining my anxiety and eating individually but here's my story.
Unfortunately since November 2015 I have been battling and at one point loosing an eating disorder. Now I'm not anerexic or balimic my eating problem doesn't have an official name but it's "anxiety driven eating disorder" this means basically anxiety stops me eating.
Now I need to make it clear, I want to eat and this problem is incredibly upsetting and frustrating to me my brain is a hindrance. When I see solid food I have an anxiety attack and I can not eat, I think I'm going to choke it's awful, mans a time I've just cried. I want to eat liver, chicken, potato scallop, Sunday lunch but my brain just stops me, I hate it.
If it's food I don't know then I panic I'm going to have a reaction even though it's unlikely stupid eh?
I'm sat crying this
So I've become very thin and not the best but I'm trying every day a little bit harder, I can BEAT this one day.
I have four fortisip a day 2x fibre drinks and 2x protein drinks .. These are effectively keeping me going.
I also have soup and broccoli cheese ... That's so good! I love yoghurts and double cream! I've started having mash potato again we use a potato ricer and use butter and cream high calorie and very good!
I've got a purée machine which I use to purée my veg and also things like liver casserole which I can purée and cornbeef hash which is good.
So yes I'm going through a bad time but I'm not letting it defeat me and one day soon I'll write a blog saying I BEAT IT! Oh and eat an amazing cream cake .. I dream of cream cakes lol
V xx
What a powerful story you shared in this blog post. I am so sorry to hear that you deal with depression, anxiety, and eating problems. It must also be so difficult having to deal with a unique and less known eating disorder. I am glad, though, that you are powering through it. I'm confident that you'll eventually exclaim that you have beat it.
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