Monday, 13 April 2015

Dear D

Dear D,

I refer to you as dad but just so everyone knows you are in fact my biological farther. So congratulations on that one, for having a 30 year old daughter with a heart problem and rheumatoid arthritis who you never bothered with, I mean I've been waiting 7 years for a phone call.

Why that should suprise me I really don't know as I waited for you when you told mum you were coming I'd sit waiting for you in nan and granddad window, waiting for my dad, but u never turned up did you D? You never called you never sent a card you just didn't acknowledge me. 

But D you have 4 other children that you love a boy and 3 girls, so what about me? Was I not good enough for you? Oh no wait it's because you couldn't be with me wasn't it because your a lore and a cheat aren't you D? That's the truth isn't it?

You see D even now at 30 I don't really want anything from you because you don't want me, I mean you boasted when you found out I got into law school, what do your other kids do D? I wouldn't know would I. I want to know if I am so sick because of you though D, because heart problems don't run in my mums family so that must be you D? I mean let's face it your wife did tell my mum that she hoped I died, thanks for that D I was just a small baby having life saving surgery. But you wouldn't know that? But D you were there because your sisters child had died of a heart problem, so it must be you why I have a heart problem is it your DNA D? 

But then is it you why I have hearing issues? Is it you why I have rheumatoid? Is it you my health problems are the badness in me? I'd love to ask you but you probably wouldn't recognise me now, why would I bother because lets face it D you don't exactly want to know me or you'd have called?

So D, you did ring when I was a teenager I remember it because I was walking through new street to get my train home from work and I couldn't answer, you know the train was important D, like your life seems important with out me in it. When I got back to grove my dad (H) drove me home and I went up stairs to listen to my answer phone message and it said "hello vicky it's your dad" now I know this will sound a bit odd and all but what gave you the right to call your self my dad? I mean I know you legally are you actually came to the hospital (well done D!) and you managed to sign my birth certificate to say yes you was my dad, well done again you did 2 things in my life, I really must congratulate you I didn't know you cared.

When my mum died I knew she'd want you to know, I think she thought u might u know keep in touch with me. But nope yet again I was let down D, you see when I think of my biological dad I think how much I've been let down by you D, why could you not just give me a chance? 

I know the stupid thing is even at 30 and after writting this I'd still welcome you into my life why? Because D you are my dad and you hold so many answers to so many questions, you have a family a brother and 3 sisters and nieces and nephews that I only wish I knew, I mean I know my half brother and he's cool, but my sisters won't even met me because of your wife, you know the one you cheated on? I mean D the one you were divorcing isn't that right D? 

Oh but dad there is one thing thanks for leaving me because if you'd have stayed I'd have been a villa fan and granddad didn't much like them! I wonder if that's why he never seemed to like you, or nan or my aunty and uncles ... Guess I crnt foam my own opinion because you never gave me the opportunity D.

Thanks though for giving me my life even if it seems your DNA is bloody terrible good job I'm better than you I'm a fighter you see .. 

1 comment:

  1. I got all my poor DNA from my SDD's ( sperm donor dad ) side of the family too. Difference is that they chose to be in my life; just he didn't. Probably because he was married to my mom and had an affair and then married his mistress. To their credit, they've been married 42 years now. But still....

    Good cathartic writing. Just don't let bitterness at your SDD take over, cuz your step -dad has been grand and your brother lovely and it just isn't worth it. Screw him.