Tough week

I've got a lot of catching up on my blog to do .. so i'll start with the most recent and work backwards hang on in there!! So the time finally came when i would start new medication MTX (a chemotheropy drug). My first in stings were i dont want to take this drug i do not want to put this medication in my system. I talked LONG and HARD with many medical personal from my GP to my Rheumatologist to my Cardiologist to my specialist nurses they all said the same give it a go Vicky lets get you feeling better. Now ive known my GP for many years he was the one that orginally told me i had Rheumatoid 4 long years a go, so i trusted his judegment. Ive know my cardiology team for 10 years now and to be fair i trust them with most things well in fact everything not just my heart but every thing if i have a problem they are the first people i go to for advise and reassurance with regardes to health matters and even when my mother passed away. I trusted them i'd be ok! Everyone told me the same, you've been through so much Vicky you will be fine. So Wednesday came, i wont lie i sat there with Tracey and i cried and i um'd and ar'd about the tablets i cured people mainly my doctors! Then i took the plunge one tablet two tablets and that was it my journey had started. I tried some food after the tablets what a joke it made me feel so sick it was aweful, we went for a hot chocolate as i didnt want to be on my own for the first few hours and you know the smell in the coffee shop and me want to puke every were, it wasnt nice!! The day continued i felt so sick bringin up some food but i kept going. Thursday it got worse my head was so foggy i wasn't sure what my name was lol my head hurt as if id been on a week long bender! I felt sick my joints were flareing i was so so tired. My stomach felt so dodgy like a constant fizz in the pit of my stomach too Friday came still the same no better .. the weekend came and went still feeling the methrotrex hangover! We get to monday my throat's hurting i feel so darn low emotionally and physically time to see my GP he tells me i have a throat viras which hasn't helped my MTX first take. My rheum nurse says its the end of the line for MTX and me and if im honest i dont want to go through that week again it was the worst i've ever felt not sure i could do that every week for the rest of my life. Do i still trust my doctors of course i do .. will i listen to there medication advise again .. we'll see, lets hope next time i dont feel so darn bad!! I would also like to mention the help and support from my family and friends this past week so many of you to name you know who you are you're all fantastic and i love you all THANK YOU This week has done one thing for me proved that i may be single and living life on my own but if i can get through that without a man holding my hand well hair while im sicking it up then im a dam good fighter and i can survive anything. xx