Saturday, 19 November 2011

Loosing my mum

It was 2008 when i got told my mum had terminal cancer. I'll never forget that night, i was sitting on the sofa talking to my friends as normal when my aunty and uncle had come in. The previous night i had asked my aunty if my mum was dying she didnt reply because she didnt no if she should tell me. The next day they came over and my aunty sat on my feet so i couldn't run away, i mean who wouldnt run away? Then she told me my mum was dying, my beautiful mum was going to dye. I knew it my heart already but hearing those words just made it so real. My mum was my best friend, she looked after me, she made me who i am today, i even look like her. When my aunty and uncle left i felt this cloud of sadness i cried but then i did what vicky always does i sucked it in and got on with it. My mum was a few days later moved to a hospice. My uncle returned from Canada. You see no one knew if it would be days or weeks but we knew we all knew she was leaving us. I sat there every day just thinking of all the happy memories because i have lots. Like when my mum and aunty would watch me and my couisin do out "dances" they were quite good i assure you! Then i needed a new car because my old one had broken but i couldn't get it myself as it was a few miles away and my dad was of course spending every min with my mum. I hadnt been to the hospice yet. My mum lost her voice because she had oral cancer you see. So i missed having that last conversation with her, when she died i rang her mobile but it was my voice because she wasn't very good with technology! Its my biggest regreat i never went to see her sooner to hear my beautiful mums voice. My aunty said we could go and look and buy this car but only if i promised to go and see my mum, if my aunty hadn't done that i may never have gone because i was scared of loosing my mum. The next day my uncle drove the car to the hospital for me and i had a little go nearly throw him through the windscreen as i tried to press the clutch down but it was an automatic ops, sorry uncle! My uncle's aunty and couisins were all at the hospice i didnt see my mum the first time i looked around, it was very nice it didnt feel like a hospital, it had a front room and a kitchen to even a garden. Over the next couple of weeks i went to see my mum every day i spent hours with her, me and my couisins had a meal together one day before going to see her as my couisin and mum were very close to. It was so hard for all the family. It was my auntys birthday and my mum absolutly insisted on having a little party, she loved a family get together! We had ballons banners even wine in the hospice! We laughed and joked and i think some people got a little tipsy! It was the last family party we had but it gives us all a smile because it was typical of my mum wanting to celebrate! Some thing none of us will ever forget. My aunty and uncle were meant to be going on holiday on there annual 2 week break my mum told them they had to go, she made them go, she probably would have packed the bags for them if she could have, my mum believed in having fun! So off they went with a hug and a we will see you when we get back, because we thought my mum would hold on til they got home it was only two weeks. Then my couisin was due to join her parents and i didnt want her to go but again my mum insisted! My couisin gave me a hug and told me it would be ok cuz my uncle was here and she would be back soon. The week kind of went a long my mum had a really good day and then just went down hill, my uncle and dad decided to stay at the hospital that night cuz uncle thought it was right. My mum died that night, my beautiful night died on the 20th August 2008. My dad came home i was asleep. I woke up and my brother was no were to be seen dad told me mum had died i went cold, i was told later my brother let out an almighty scream when he was told, ill always be here for my brother, love you bro. I dont no what happened to be i went online to facebook and told every one, i text my aunty to tell them. I got in my car i drove to my uncle and i just cried and cried. I dont remb much of that journey or that night. The next morning i just got up, went into town got a card and flowers for the staff at the hospice. I then took them there signed it from all the family. My family came home from holiday i shared my memory box. In the coming days mum funeral was put in to place she already choose readings and music. The funeral arrived, she didnt want us to wear black but i couldnt not so we broughnt some bright flowers to wear on our dresses me and my couisin. We got through the day, my aunty did everyone proud doing the readings we were all so proud. The crem was the worse the coffin moving just got me it suddenly felt real.

And that is simply the start of my rheumatoid story.

In Loving memory of my mum forever in our hearts xxx

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