Part One

when you have your ability to walk, do what ever you want, it may be go to a shopping centre it maybe walk your dog it seems fine. The you have daily living like opening bottles, walking to the toilet, cutting food and even cooking from sociable to do your own meals. I had it all in 2008 just like everyone else. Then one day i woke up in the most aganising pain it was just awful, i cried, the worse was that i never realised what it would take from me. If i would have known then what i know now, i would have droped everything and gone to all the places i have ever wanted to, seen all the things i want to. Because now simple i can not go any were with out some one else and it sounds ridiculas but it is very fustrating. Id love to visit Paris but i can not go because i can not go on own, i will never see the things i have dreamt of seeing.

I had a major flare in my foot and it kind of started the tumble down because i thought i had broken my foot i had never felt pain like this in my life it was awful. I could not put my foot on the floor i could not put a sock on a trainer on because of the pain i was in. I could not even put the quilt over my feet.

But then the sudden lose of being able to dress, not being able to put your socks on loosing your ability to get your top on, imagine just for one minute you wake up and you can not get your socks on, you can not get your fav jumper on because your arms are to pain, its tough.

I never use to think of these things but its daily life.

I lost some thing when i got rheumatoid and it was vicky, i've grieved for my old life, i have tried so hard to just move forward to rebuilt my life and it is so hard. To accept help from stranger, to have you younger brother have to cook your meals at 26 years old.

I can not write any more because im crying but i will continue this in another blog.